|- doctor-stunningway [DS] is paging galvanic-botanist [GB] -|
DS: Hey Gale? You awake?
DS: I need you
DS: Come onnnn talk to me
DS: ...
DS: I got a big bowl of mac n cheese! Right here!!
DS: Its hot and gooey and everything
DS: Mmm, yummy yummy mac n cheese
GB: yknow at first? i was NOT going to reply
GB: because i have my own life and stuff
GB: but ooh boy you really got me with the virtual mac n cheese gag
GB: peak form
DS: Yeah okay enough with the sarcasm I need your help
GB: sarcasm? what sarcasm, bro?
GB: im serious. peak form
GB: lets talk comedy for a sec
GB: maccy c is my trademark favorite food tm tm
DS: Oh man
GB: and you know that. so its like. youre already showing that ur my friend and you know me pretty well
GB: and so ur offering me the mac n cheese as a way to
GB: entice me from my real life that i definitely have away from my computer box
GB: BUT
GB: and heres where the real comedy comes in
GB: what you and i BOTH KNOW
GB: is that the mac n cheese?
GB: its a lie. it isnt fake
GB: i mean it isnt real.
GB: its a virtual joke.
GB: its just a little prank. like what are you gonna do send me food like, through the screen?
GB: all the scientists know that that is impossible. it simply cannot be done
DS: This bit gets funnier every time you do it
GB: sheesh, touchy
GB: im just puttin words together
GB: alright ive been yammerin long enough
GB: whats it u want whats it u need what can i do you for
DS: Well, it's the second piece of GM's puzzle thing
DS: I have the first and the third pieces, but I'm having... trouble getting this last one
GB: oh ho ho prince dubious really has u running laps to solve this thing huh
GB: want my advice? say u did it and see what he says
GB: works for me all the time. hes like
GB: "Go Forth My Royal Knight, and slay Fifty Feral Hogs in my name! I shall reward you with riches beyond your wildest blah blah blah"
GB: and im like "oh yeah okay sir. gimmie a moment"
GB: i come back after wandering around for thirty minutes and say smthn like "hey prince jobs done"
GB: and then he says "I never Told You where the Hogs Are" and suddenly i get a set of coordinates and a moderately cool blade
GB: it never fails. i have a god damn sword pile in my room from all the swords he sends me dez
GB: its sick, bro
DS: I'm not sure that would work for me ._.
DS: I already hit the hint button once... and this time I don't think he knows any more than I do
DS: Here, let me show you
GB: oh is that all
DS: What do you mean "is that all"??
DS: It's stuck in the lost and found machine and it won't accept my forms!
DS: There are these forms we're supposed to fill out and feed into the intake, but no matter how I fill them out, it refuses!
DS: It keeps whining about "chain of custody"
GB: bureaucracy strikes again, huh
DS: You've got that right, sister!
GB: dont.
GB: wait a tick. its behind glass
GB: cant you just... break it
DS: Uh no?
DS: NAVY uses nigh-unbreakable high-grade tempered glass in all of its machinery and construction.
DS: As opposed to annealed glass, which easily broken and only suitable for consumer-grade products.
GB: nerd alert
DS: This is pretty basic stuff G.
DS: Did you like, not go to school???
GB: no
DS: Oh
DS: That explains a lot actually
GB: fuck you
GB: let me drop some STREET SMARTS on your crusty oceanic ass
GB: my older sister taught me this one.
GB: grab a spark plug. anything ceramic will do
GB: break a piece of that ceramic off
GB: chuck it as hard as you can at anything glass, even car windows and stuff. itll shatter guaranteed. hours of fun
DS: I think theres a ceramic statuette in the machine, but I can't get to it...
DS: Even if I could, breaking the machine would sound an alarm and I'd get arrested on the spot
GB: well shoot
GB: if lying to your friends and breaking stuff is out of the question then im beat
GB: maybe you could try engaging in a conversation with the machine.
GB: try to convince it. win it over to your side
GB: flex your charisma and break its programming
GB: dub it VENDO. play him in our next campaign
DS: Wait a second.
DS: That gives me an idea...
GB: oh no please dont actually play a vending machine in our next campaign